disorder

My insomnia has been real bad lately. Wait, I don't like the term insomnia. That sounds like an infection. I ain't been sleeping so good lately. I can be as tired as a day laborer but as soon as that light goes off every thought a person is capable of having charges through my head. I do come up with a lot of good blog ideas, twitters, and chapter titles for my novel but I forget them by morning.

Morning! Morning comes too early. I wake up long before the alarm is set and can't get back to sleep. My heart is pounding and my thoughts are upturned. Not cool Zeus!

More interesting than not sleeping though is Hypnogagia. Look it up! Basically it's a disorder where your brain and your body don't wake up at the same time. Maybe your brain wakes up but your body is still in sleep paralysis. So you lay there awake, but can't move. Also, you hallucinate monsters. Fun!

This has happened to me four times, most recently last night.

The first time I was a kid. Just four or five. I woke up and perceived that Star Wars aliens were in my room staring at me. Like three Nien Numbs or something.

No seriously, monsters. See, your brain is awake, but not completely, and for whatever reason you conjure up hallucinations of usually unpleasant things. I'd wager most alien abduction cases can be explained by this.

Anyway, shortly after the Nien Numb incident I was told that there had been an earthquake. That's an important fact.

The second time I was older, late teens. This time I woke up to a vampire at the foot of my bed. a large one. Guess what? There was also an earthquake that night. So apparently an earthquake shakes my bed with just enough force to wake me up halfway.

I should point out, these hallucinations, you don't actually "see" them, you just kind of know that they're there. Like how right now you know that maybe there's a wall behind you or whatever even though you can't actually see it.

The third time was the scariest and longest incident. I had fallen asleep with the tv on and woke up to find myself watching the Simpsons, even though I didn't want to be. I couldn't move and it lasted long enought that I could actually think "I can't move. I can't close my eyes. I shouldn't be looking at the Simpsons right now but I can't close my eyes." I perceived, just off the side of my bed, a large goblin creature. It was horrible and malicious. This lasted an estimated 45 minutes (probably 10 seconds in actuality) before I noticed that my bed was shaking. Aha! I put it all together and realized that earthquakes caused these bizarre dream things.

Except there actually wasn't an earthquake that night. Huh.

Last night I woke up and there was an (imaginary) intruder in my room. I responded like I would if it was a real intruder. Cooly and calmly. My exact words, out loud (I think) were "Huh? Huh? Huh? What? What do you want? What is it? Oh my god. Ohhh my god." Finally I was able to move and flipped on a light. No intruder. Felt my bed rattle, but no earthquake.

Well, that's today's story.

Movie Review: The Twilight Saga: New Moon

note: I've set up a new website for this and my other lolcats and entertainment themed posts.
www.popsuede.com
Go check it out and make sure to become a follower or bookmark it. It will be fun for all! Right now it has old posts from this blog but I will update it regularly with new bits of hilarity. You'll definitely want to be there when Twilight Saga: Eclipse comes out.


Well, the latest installment of the Twilight series is breaking box office records all over the place. I contributed to that as I saw it with a packed house on Saturday afternoon. How could I resist, after having so much fun at the first one last year? It was an interesting experience, as my audience had a maniacal cackler who almost provided more entertainment than the movie itself.

Before I get to my detailed review (I am educated in film so expect serious criticism), I want to mention the movie's soundtrack. I think a lot of indie rock fans were up in arms over some of the bands on there. I don't know, I don't put much stock in the whole "selling out" concept, and I've been listening to it and there really are a lot of great tracks. Thom Yorke, BRMC, Grizzly Bear, Editors.... um, uh... oh geez.

Keyboard Cat? Waitaminute... my review has been hi-jacked! I guess we're doing this again...

New Moon!









































don't forget to become a follower at www.popsuede.com !

friends in low places: addendum: secrets

My last post was about Eureka. I have some leftover pictures from a trip there in 2002 that are just sitting on my hard drive not doing anybody any good. Might as well post them right? What's the point of pictures if you don't blog them? It's like they don't even exist.

Hey what's this thing? I always see it. I don't know what it is. Something about mines probably. Reminds me of Jabba's Palace. There was a day some friends of mine went up there, but I couldn't make it because I slept in. I regret that day.



Somewhere there's a path where you can drive straight up a mountain and find some old mines and camps and shacks and stuff.


I worry that the hills are crawling with hobos. And mountain hobos are way more dangerous than city hobos, because they don't want your money, they want your hide.

I don't think you can tell unless you click on this picture, but someone has spray painted some graffiti on that wall. They went all the way up there, spray paint in hand, in order to write the phrase... "Denver Bronco."

Maybe John Elway did it.

This secret road will take you into town. It's not secret if you know where it is though, or know how to recognize a road when you see one.


The most ineffective local law enforcement agency in all the country!

You've seen the ruin, the broken down police busses, the graves of the miners, the abandoned homes. Behold! The mansion of the fat cat that profited from all this malaise!

Ooh I hate fat cats! With their palaces up on the hill and their nice views!

So! Do you think these fat cats would spend any time with the proletariat, even in death? Of course not!

Last time I mentioned the secret cemetery in the woods. It was for the mine owners families. Actually many of them died in mining accidents. Which is sad.



It's hidden and I don't know how to find it again. It's probably not even hidden or a secret. I bet I could google it. I don't want to though I like mystery.

Legend has it one of the fellas died in the mine and ... something something... haunts the woods looking for his lost shoes. Oooooooh!

friends in low places

Microsuede: The Return - Chapter 1

We're going back to August 14, 2009, the last hour of the last day of work.

I only worked at this place for three months. It was nice. There were free sodas and ramen and a wonderful, and I mean wonderful, coffee machine. Oh the coffee I drank! But I left for greener pastures. The last day of a job is always anti-climactic. You expect it to be like the finale of MASH but instead it's like, "okay, seeya," and you walk out the door and the phones keep ringing whether you're there to answer them or not.

So! I took off around 3pm. My friend Joy was in town, sort of. She lives in a wigwam deep within the Sonoran Desert but was in Utah for one night only! visiting family. Problem was she was way down there in Utah and I was way up here so we each drove a couple hours and met in one of my favorite weird deserty rural areas, the Santaquin-Elberta-Genola-Eureka quadrangle, where my people come from.

First order of business was trying to find the secret cemetery off the highway in the woods. I assumed I could find it myself. Nevermind that the side of the road it's on is nothing but miles and miles of land with no distinguishing features at all. So I couldn't find it but we did make our way to the big uh, grain silo (?) that reigns over the sagebrush like a liege lord. I was really excited to spray paint my name on it but as usual, that bastard Zeb got there first.


Back to Eureka, a town with one gas station and no business as far as I could tell. Not even a diner. This place is not really a "small town," it's a ghost town that happens to have a bunch of people living in it. Don't count them out just yet though, because they still host the annual Tintic Silver Days Parade and Festival. Apparently we had just missed the big bike race down main street. Curses!

The parade was the next day and people were getting their booths ready. Like this sword and knife retailer.

A weird lurpy guy emerged from a camper to talk to us for a while. He was really nice but also a little bit on the creepy side. His job is go to small town parades dressed as Abe Lincoln. He didn't have a beard so I'm assuming he uses a prosthetic, but he did have hair on his face in areas that hair is not usually found so that was gross.

I'm not sure what this is about.

I guess Eureka is so far off the grid that you can just brazenly advertise lawlessness. I made my own sign: "Wanted: drugs and prostitutes and bootleg DVDs of Season 3 of Mad Men."

I didn't even know The Magic Organ released a second album.

I would imagine that in a town such as this Chair Sittin' is one of the main forms of recreation. You can only spend so much time looking at Main Street before you want a change of scenery though.


Hey remember how Amelia Earhardt crash landed in Eureka in 1928? That's kind of neat.

"Lady Lindy,' Famous Woman Flier, Forced to Land Near Tintic."

I suppose if I had a mannequin of a sad lady I'd have her stare out the window all day too.


Lots of cool old buildings though, sadly broken down. Or maybe that they're broken down is what makes them cool.

Bench sittin', couch watchin'.

We went up to the non-hidden cemetery to find my kin. I wasn't able to do that last time I was there because it was covered in snow.

This mysterious denim jacket fills me with unease. I'll never be able to see one of those without thinking of Bob from Twin Peaks.


And why is it hung up against that fence post? And what is that fenced in area anyway? If it's a gravesite it's overgrown and long forgotten. Does Bob keep it there for when he rises from the Black Lodge?

Dunno.

So here's Charles and Hannah M. Sampson.

In the late 1800s they emigrated from Swavorska, Finland with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Along with many others from their village they settled in what would soon be a thriving silver mining community. They built a life from nothing, picking up a modest patch of land where they ran a boarding house. They were popular amongst the locals, and eager to help a weary traveler or just anyone who needed a place to stay.

Amazing to think that I am the sum of their actions. If not for them (*and other ancestors too of course but we're not talking about them now), I would not be where I am today. If one aspect of their lives had turned out differently, I may never have existed. I couldn't help but think of that as I stood at their final resting place, how they have no idea of who I even am and yet I am a living representation of everything they worked so hard for. In some ways, I am the very purpose of their lives, just as the very purpose of my life may one day be a child many, many years from now. It's an awesome responsibility to carry and encourages me to live a life of meaning.

Look I made The Hulk and Admiral Ackbar fight!


We took some backroads out of town and stumbled across this cat, sneaking across the road to harass some chickens.

Next thing we know we're surrounded by literally (this time I'm using literally in a literal way) a dozen cats, all of different colors and with different personalities. They were friendly and cute and I thought about maybe taking a couple as souvenirs but they seemed to really be living the life out there in farm country.

We stopped for dinner at a place in Santaquin, the Family Tree. They serve a scone as big as your lap. As big as a prize winning sea bass. But the best part was this earnest gentleman.


Live entertainment provided by this country-western singer. Just him and a karaoke machine and hundreds of karaoke disks. He'd take requests but could never find the CD the song was on. He was apologetic though. But here's the great part: we were the only people in the restaurant. We got our own private little bizarro show.

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm making fun of this guy, 'cause I really admired his sincerity. Also I'm making fun of him a little bit. But still.

The rest of the night we just drove around while I tried to find the Hare Krishna temple (unsuccessful) and tried to find a movie theatre (unsuccessful). Fun night! And always good to see my dear friend Joy. The end.

Halloween or something

I love Halloween. I'm not gonna lie. Seems like there should be some sort of Halloween post here right? Nope. I got nothing. This is a disturbing trend that's been going on with me for sometime. My creativity has run dry. It started with message board posts and blog comments. Suddenly All I had to say was "good one" and "nice." Then my blog output started going down. I stopped carrying my camera everywhere, and I don't really make witty comments anymore. And I've forgotten how to do most of my best impressions. I have nothing left. I'm as bland as... as... uh, bland as... see I don't know. That's the problem! Did I suffer brain damage somehow? What's happened to stamp out my creativity and crush my spirit? I have a few theories actually. But I'm not going to list them.

I'm trying this jazz out. NaNoWriMo. It's going to be quite a challenge. But hopefully it will re-open the neural pathways that have been shut down for a while. Can I average over 1600 words a day? Where will I find time for that? I don't know, but it will be fun to see. Or it won't. Bah. Wish me luck.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/

cheers

Look. I'm going to start speaking with a British accent, okay? It's not weird, but I need you to go with it. It's not weird. I haven't decided which accent to use yet because apparently there are lots of them. But when I do, if you know me in real life, just pretend that I've sounded like that all along. It's not weird.

No, I'm not any kind of Anglophile at all. I'm quite happy calling chips chips and fries fries. Don't care for soccer at all. You ever seen this guy Russel Brand? He sucks. I guess he's outrageous or something and has the Brits all a twoggin' (that's a British term) but he's not funny. And the Arctic Monkey's are less good of a band than the Strokes. It's just true. Accept it.

But something has to give. I'm slumping here. I go to bed every night, and that's one more bedtime closer to the final curtain. I need a change and this is the easiest and most effective change I can make. Having an American accent hasn't gotten me anywhere. I can't really afford to move away and I don't want to buy new clothes. Listen, you won't even notice after a while. You'll just get used to it. It's not weird.

I really feel like this is the best move for me at this time. Picture it. Exact same me, but British. Here, examine this scenario.

Me, now: "Hey wanna go get a Gyro?"

You: "No."

Me, British: "Fahncy a jie-ro?"

You: "Oh yes let's!"

It's just that simple. Okay fine, this is all about chicks. I mean, birds. I mean, buhds. The new accent is going to make me 19% more attractive and interesting. This isn't a desperation move, it's just good business sense. My annoyances will become quirks. My rudeness will met with giggles. My lack of talent will be chalked up to you not getting my avant garde ways. Just trust me on this one. It's not weird.

random pictures free from the burden of explanation and context

sing me scottish emo

A couple weeks ago three Scottish bands you've never heard of came into town and put on what is probably the best show I've ever seen. And all for ten bucks.

These kids. I like these kids. We Were Promised Jetpacks. This song of their's is my favorite song of 2009 so far. Listen to the urgency!




It's a good song maybe to sing really loud to in your car, but only at night because singing in your car is something that only dorks do.


It was a funny show because I ran into dozens of people that I knew and even though it was at the Noise Hole there weren't really any scenesters there. Mostly normal folk and these two really weird dancing guys that I wanted to savagely mock but then realized that they were having the time of their lives and am I really so jaded as to savagely mock such sincerity and enthusiasm? Also it was too dark to get a good picture of their goofy dance moves.

The Twilight Sad, one of the most apt band names you'll find (because all they're songs are about how sad they are that the movie version of Twilight wasn't better).


No but really they're sound is BIG. A real vortex of noise with a melody hidden in the chaos. I like their new record because the drums sound so good, and they sounded just as good live thanks to the Animal-like drummer.


I was going to post the video for their great new single "I Became a Prostitute" but the video has ass and nipple in it and though I'm going to watch it again I'm not going to post it, 'cause you know gotta keep up appearances.

The headliner was Frightened Rabbit. Like the previous two bands, they brought it and brought it hard. Their number "The Twist" is my favorite song of this year that came out last year. I'd post that song but there's only live versions on youtube.


Here they are finishing up the set. Bad composition and camera work on my part but I just like the frantic strumming and the drums.